Here is one more of my “seven random thoughts of highly effective people” from last week.
3) I have been thinking a lot lately about the theory of relative income. As an economics major I am always thinking about human behavior and incentives. As little kids, money is meaningless to us. We preferred ice cream to five dollar bills. As we got a little older we started to understand the value of money; we unwisely thought that money made us happy and so we picked money over ice cream. Ironically, we were actually closer to the truth as little kids; money has no real intrinsic value and so unless you derive utility from dirty pieces of paper and round bits of metal with dead people’s faces on them, it is the stuff that you buy with the money that actually makes you happy…like ice cream. If buying stuff makes us happy then more money is preferred to less money right? …WRONG!
The theory of relative income says that more money (or shoes, or ice cream) does not make us happier, the only thing that makes us happier is having more than our peer group. If my neighbor has two more pairs of designer jeans than I do, I am not made happy if I buy a new pair for myself. Also, I would not brag to my coworker that I just got a new Accord if I knew he drove a Lexus (but I would to my friend who drives a neon).
I see this theory manifest itself everyday as I interact with people at work, watch reality television, or eavesdrop on other people’s phone conversations while I pretend to read the newspaper. For example, in my peer group you are not likely to hear a woman say something like, “MY MAN'S GOTTA JOB!” when she is in a fight with another woman. The comment does not elevate her position in the world like it would in other social circles. Or my personal favorite…”I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL!” just doesn’t seem to have the same impact in white suburbia.
Sunday, December 6, 2009
Sunday, November 22, 2009
Long Post Alert
Every now and again, some movie, book, song, or television show will come out dealing with what are known as the “Seven Deadly Sins”. As Mormons we don’t know much about this topic because…well…it’s just not scriptural. It’s more of a Catholic tradition than actual doctrine and it has origins dating back to 4th century monks. Don’t get me wrong greed, sloth, pride, envy, etc. are all deadly sins, there is no doubt about that, but so are lying, cheating, bearing false witness, swearing, watching bad movies, and thinking the Asian girl from Grey’s Anatomy is good looking. There are also spin-offs of the Seven Deadly Sins too like “the seven heavenly virtues”, the “seven deadly sins of business”, “The Seven Deadly Heresies”, and the seven worst movies derived from video games. Okay I made that last one up but seriously how hilariously sucky were Mario Bros. the movie (John Leguizamo didn’t even have a stache…nice Luigi!), Street Fighter the movie, Double dragon (okay I loved this movie as kid almost as much as 3 Ninjas), and Laura Croft Tomb Raider (although we all know this movie does have at least one redeeming quality.)
For my own spin-off I want to share with you all what I like to call the seven random things that have been on my mind lately:
(To start, here are just two.)
1) A few of years ago I went with a couple of brother-in-laws to Tucson to watch BYU football play the University of Arizona. As we drove through downtown, I started to notice the amount of bars and clubs lining the street. From the outside it was obvious that the majority of the patrons were college students. It occurred to me that college campuses tend to attract a certain amount of industry to the cities they are in. As students tend to be a large target market for these cities, bars and clubs are apt to accumulate nearby. Provo has this same dynamic. Only rather than attracting bars and clubs we attract call-centers and movie theaters. Mathematically it should not make sense. At my last count there were 30,000 students living in Provo and 31,000 call centers (we are tied for first with Bangalor and Mumbai). I believe there are also 343 movie theaters within a 16 block radius of Center Street and University Ave (all of which have played non-stop showings of “New Moon” to completely sold out crowds since early Friday Morning.) Am I taking crazy pills or has somebody else noticed this?
2) An article caught my attention the other day called “The Evolution of Cell Phones”. It talked about the old phones that came in a backpack with a squiggly pig tail cord, the Zack Morris, The classic Nokia that had the best cell phone game known to man (Snake), all the way up to the I-phone. If I had written that article it would have contained a heck of a lot more than just the technological advances that have taken place with cell phones. It would talk about the irony that with each new advance in cellular technology, our ability to communicate with one another has severely diminished. When we were kids and we wanted to get a hold of our friends we had to call their house. Not only that, we had the gate keeper system known as Mom and Dad. So we learned to talk to our friends parents. At least as far as to say “is Morgan home? Do you know where he went? Who was he with? Do you know where they were going?” (that last part is much funnier if it is read in a high-pitched pre-pubescent tone). Now-a-days teenagers can’t even figure out how to talk to each other much less their friends parents. I see kids hanging out with their girlfriends and not say a single word to them all night long, and then the second they get in the car after the date they start texting each other until their fingers fall off.
For my own spin-off I want to share with you all what I like to call the seven random things that have been on my mind lately:
(To start, here are just two.)
1) A few of years ago I went with a couple of brother-in-laws to Tucson to watch BYU football play the University of Arizona. As we drove through downtown, I started to notice the amount of bars and clubs lining the street. From the outside it was obvious that the majority of the patrons were college students. It occurred to me that college campuses tend to attract a certain amount of industry to the cities they are in. As students tend to be a large target market for these cities, bars and clubs are apt to accumulate nearby. Provo has this same dynamic. Only rather than attracting bars and clubs we attract call-centers and movie theaters. Mathematically it should not make sense. At my last count there were 30,000 students living in Provo and 31,000 call centers (we are tied for first with Bangalor and Mumbai). I believe there are also 343 movie theaters within a 16 block radius of Center Street and University Ave (all of which have played non-stop showings of “New Moon” to completely sold out crowds since early Friday Morning.) Am I taking crazy pills or has somebody else noticed this?
2) An article caught my attention the other day called “The Evolution of Cell Phones”. It talked about the old phones that came in a backpack with a squiggly pig tail cord, the Zack Morris, The classic Nokia that had the best cell phone game known to man (Snake), all the way up to the I-phone. If I had written that article it would have contained a heck of a lot more than just the technological advances that have taken place with cell phones. It would talk about the irony that with each new advance in cellular technology, our ability to communicate with one another has severely diminished. When we were kids and we wanted to get a hold of our friends we had to call their house. Not only that, we had the gate keeper system known as Mom and Dad. So we learned to talk to our friends parents. At least as far as to say “is Morgan home? Do you know where he went? Who was he with? Do you know where they were going?” (that last part is much funnier if it is read in a high-pitched pre-pubescent tone). Now-a-days teenagers can’t even figure out how to talk to each other much less their friends parents. I see kids hanging out with their girlfriends and not say a single word to them all night long, and then the second they get in the car after the date they start texting each other until their fingers fall off.
Sunday, November 8, 2009
History in the Making...And it Doesn't Look like the Good Kind
I consider myself to be a pretty easy-going guy, there are very few things in this world that I just can’t stand. There are a few things, however, that tend to get under my skin. We all have pet peeves and little things here and there that annoy us from time to time. This particular post is not about one of those little “pet peeves”. I had a friend that woke up one day with a buzzing in his ear and after several hours he started to have nightmares that it would never go away. To make a long story short, it never has…he just an incessant, annoying buzz at the back of his ear that’s ruining his life. Well, that is the kind of thing I am talking about in this post.
I hate registering my car. Vehicle registration has to be one the most heinous punishments ever devised for inflicting torment on human beings. I do understand why we do it, and truthfully it is not the registration, “per se,” that I despise so much; it is the registration process that is so painfully unbearable. Consequently, my wife’s car has been expired for over three months now. (I hope blog posts are not a way for people to implicate themselves…apologies to my wife in advance if our car gets impounded as a result of this post.)
I personally guarantee it would be more difficult to find a person in this city who has not had a miserable experience at the DMV, than it was for Abraham to find a righteous person in all of Sodom and Gomorrah. This place is swarming with incompetence; it is almost comical watching them “work” behind the counter. Remarkably, the wait time is in no way related to how many people are actually in line. Parkinson’s Law dictates that it be that way, as the civil servant behind the counter will expand his work so as to fill the time available for its completion.
I suppose it has become my modus operandi to apologize for offensiveness in the middle of every one of my posts. This post might be the most offensive so far, so I truly am sorry to anyone that works at the DMV. The only reason I even bring up my concerns is that Obama’s health care reform bill passed through the House of Representatives late last night. Have we really learned nothing from our current experience with “public options”? We can’t even register our automobiles without pulling our teeth out. Do we really want these people behind the counter when we’re bleeding to death?
I hate registering my car. Vehicle registration has to be one the most heinous punishments ever devised for inflicting torment on human beings. I do understand why we do it, and truthfully it is not the registration, “per se,” that I despise so much; it is the registration process that is so painfully unbearable. Consequently, my wife’s car has been expired for over three months now. (I hope blog posts are not a way for people to implicate themselves…apologies to my wife in advance if our car gets impounded as a result of this post.)
I personally guarantee it would be more difficult to find a person in this city who has not had a miserable experience at the DMV, than it was for Abraham to find a righteous person in all of Sodom and Gomorrah. This place is swarming with incompetence; it is almost comical watching them “work” behind the counter. Remarkably, the wait time is in no way related to how many people are actually in line. Parkinson’s Law dictates that it be that way, as the civil servant behind the counter will expand his work so as to fill the time available for its completion.
I suppose it has become my modus operandi to apologize for offensiveness in the middle of every one of my posts. This post might be the most offensive so far, so I truly am sorry to anyone that works at the DMV. The only reason I even bring up my concerns is that Obama’s health care reform bill passed through the House of Representatives late last night. Have we really learned nothing from our current experience with “public options”? We can’t even register our automobiles without pulling our teeth out. Do we really want these people behind the counter when we’re bleeding to death?
Sunday, November 1, 2009
Some Signs of the Times I Suppose
I just got done watching my Yankees clobber the Phillies in the 9th and I am totally exhausted so this post might be a little shorter. It’s actually not even very late, but with day light savings switching back last night it feels like it’s two in the morning. Oh sorry, for those of my readers in Arizona, daylight savings is something we do in America…get with the program or we’re gonna give you back to Mexico!
Has anybody noticed how sad trick-or-treating has become? Nobody even goes anymore. It could just be that I live in Orem where the population has continued to get older from the moment I graduated high school. I swear I must have been the last graduating class in this city; what happened to all the kids?
The saddest thing about Halloween (sorry again Arizona…Dia de Los Muertos), however, is not the number of kids out trick-or-treating, it is that nobody can go out alone anymore. It amazes me how much society has changed in the last ten or so years; if kids are away from their parents for more than four minutes there is a global crisis and Amber Alerts are sent halfway across the Universe. When I was a kid, I would disappear into the orchard with my friends and not come back until dinner time the following day and nobody would miss me. Okay so that was a little exaggerated but you get the point.
It’s not that I think parents have gotten more paranoid, although that does have a little to do with it. I am not sure where they came from or how it happened, but there truly are more deadbeats, drug dealers, sexual predators, junkies, mouth-breathers, bottom feeders, misfits, gang bangers, ciphers, hobos, goths, cutters, pedophiles, two-bit hussies, and “O’Doyles” in the world than there used to be. By the time my kids are old enough to trick-or-treat I am probably going to need a concealed weapons permit to take my kids to “trunk-or-treat” in the church parking lot. Am I alone here or have things truly gotten worse since we were all kids?
Sometime between today and my next post, which I am thinking will be about how all moms who decide to go back to school somehow think wheelie backpack are in style, we need to come up with a plan to go back to the way things used to be…no I don’t mean we should all start renting Gremlins on VHS from Albertson’s every weekend. I just want my kids to have some of the same fun experiences I had, like a paper route, without me having to call in the live 5 viper to run chopper surveilance over the area.
Has anybody noticed how sad trick-or-treating has become? Nobody even goes anymore. It could just be that I live in Orem where the population has continued to get older from the moment I graduated high school. I swear I must have been the last graduating class in this city; what happened to all the kids?
The saddest thing about Halloween (sorry again Arizona…Dia de Los Muertos), however, is not the number of kids out trick-or-treating, it is that nobody can go out alone anymore. It amazes me how much society has changed in the last ten or so years; if kids are away from their parents for more than four minutes there is a global crisis and Amber Alerts are sent halfway across the Universe. When I was a kid, I would disappear into the orchard with my friends and not come back until dinner time the following day and nobody would miss me. Okay so that was a little exaggerated but you get the point.
It’s not that I think parents have gotten more paranoid, although that does have a little to do with it. I am not sure where they came from or how it happened, but there truly are more deadbeats, drug dealers, sexual predators, junkies, mouth-breathers, bottom feeders, misfits, gang bangers, ciphers, hobos, goths, cutters, pedophiles, two-bit hussies, and “O’Doyles” in the world than there used to be. By the time my kids are old enough to trick-or-treat I am probably going to need a concealed weapons permit to take my kids to “trunk-or-treat” in the church parking lot. Am I alone here or have things truly gotten worse since we were all kids?
Sometime between today and my next post, which I am thinking will be about how all moms who decide to go back to school somehow think wheelie backpack are in style, we need to come up with a plan to go back to the way things used to be…no I don’t mean we should all start renting Gremlins on VHS from Albertson’s every weekend. I just want my kids to have some of the same fun experiences I had, like a paper route, without me having to call in the live 5 viper to run chopper surveilance over the area.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Throw-up anybody? I got 146 bottles in the garage
What is it about our culture that makes us so intrigued by multi-level marketing companies? Take one drive down I-15 and you will be bombarded with billboards advertising the next big pre-pre-launch and if you get in now, you will be number 112 in the company, but if you wait until tomorrow you will only be eligible for the pre-launch and so you will be distributor number 111,843. Nevertheless, don’t be worried because at the actual launch three years from now, you will still have 8,443,608,119 people in your down line who tell two friends, and they tell two friends, and so on, and so on.
Billboards? Is that not exactly counter to what the whole MLM approach is anyway? I thought the whole justification was that rather than spending millions of dollars a year on advertising, like those evil corporations do, you spread that out among thousands of distributors. Could somebody please enlighten me on this?
As somebody who has tried it twice and failed, I am definitely not the person to talk to if you are thinking about taking the plunge, but for what it is worth, I found out what it takes to create one of these models that ensures success. Step 1) make a magic juice…the more it tastes like throw-up the more likely you are to convince people it is good for them. Step 2) invite your friends over for dinner and start drawing triangles on a white board. Step 3) repeat as necessary.
I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of products in the world, (I really don’t believe this, I know that some MLM products are legit and really do help people, I just think it’s funny to blast them) good products and not so good products. Luckily, there is a pretty sure-fire way to tell these two types of products apart. Good products are sold at Costco, and bad products are sold on “autoship”.
WARNING! Bad products are also sold on TV. I know for a fact if you do not already own the Sham Wow you want one so bad. Every time you see that commercial, you want to pony up the dough and get one. Take it from someone who had to learn this the hard way: save yourself some time and money and pass. Or better yet, if you are still not convinced, go cut a piece off of an old felt blanket and try to sop something up with it…it’s pretty much the same thing. I know what you are thinking: “don’t they sell the Sham Wow at Costco?”…yes they do, but in Costco’s defense it is not their fault, Vince is just that good. Every time I see that dang commercial I seriously think to myself “oh, my gosh, maybe it does actually work” and then I pull them out again and sure enough…they still suck!
Billboards? Is that not exactly counter to what the whole MLM approach is anyway? I thought the whole justification was that rather than spending millions of dollars a year on advertising, like those evil corporations do, you spread that out among thousands of distributors. Could somebody please enlighten me on this?
As somebody who has tried it twice and failed, I am definitely not the person to talk to if you are thinking about taking the plunge, but for what it is worth, I found out what it takes to create one of these models that ensures success. Step 1) make a magic juice…the more it tastes like throw-up the more likely you are to convince people it is good for them. Step 2) invite your friends over for dinner and start drawing triangles on a white board. Step 3) repeat as necessary.
I have come to the conclusion that there are two types of products in the world, (I really don’t believe this, I know that some MLM products are legit and really do help people, I just think it’s funny to blast them) good products and not so good products. Luckily, there is a pretty sure-fire way to tell these two types of products apart. Good products are sold at Costco, and bad products are sold on “autoship”.
WARNING! Bad products are also sold on TV. I know for a fact if you do not already own the Sham Wow you want one so bad. Every time you see that commercial, you want to pony up the dough and get one. Take it from someone who had to learn this the hard way: save yourself some time and money and pass. Or better yet, if you are still not convinced, go cut a piece off of an old felt blanket and try to sop something up with it…it’s pretty much the same thing. I know what you are thinking: “don’t they sell the Sham Wow at Costco?”…yes they do, but in Costco’s defense it is not their fault, Vince is just that good. Every time I see that dang commercial I seriously think to myself “oh, my gosh, maybe it does actually work” and then I pull them out again and sure enough…they still suck!
Sunday, October 18, 2009
Interjection about Parenthood
Oh my heck, Heather and I just got to level 17 on Text Twist….BOOO YEEEAH!!!! This is essentially our life now. Having a child really changes your idea of having fun. Believe it or not, we used to be cool…we would do stuff…cool stuff too, like people would be jealous of how fun and cool we were. Now we stay up late (late, like 10:30) playing Text Twist. I think we can say we have truly arrived at parenthood.
I have been mulling over the idea for a couple of weeks now of a post blasting the insane amount of multi level marketing companies and security companies in Utah. But the amount of fun I just had over the last 30 minutes caused me to reevaluate this Sunday evening’s post. Don’t worry it’s coming…just not today.
As a parent of one I pretty much consider myself an expert on the subject…seriously ask me anything! Really, this post should probably be written by my sister Jen or my sister-in-law Erica, but they are probably busy making lunches or Halloween costumes… I mean these ladies are real parents; like I can’t wait to see what Erica does for Owen’s Eagle Project. So take it for what it’s worth, this is my input on the little sacrifices we make as parents.
Last night, Heather and I went on our first date without our seven month old daughter. (For those of you wondering how to still have a relationship with your significant other after kids, we just stumbled upon a gem. Put the kid down early and have a younger sibling come over and watch a movie with their girlfriend while you go out.) Since it had been so long, we decided to get creative and splurge a little…we treated ourselves to a Butterfinger shake and a regular order of Yukon Gold French Fries at Arctic Circle and came home after 45 minutes (p.s. we used coupons…total?...$3.21). I still marvel at how much has changed just over the last seven months.
Have I really aged that much? I used to get excited about going to the baseball playoffs, seeing Jack Johnson in concert, and going on ski trips…now I get excited over watching my daughter roll over, getting a high score in text twist, and General Conference.
Maybe spending 3 quarters of my monthly salary on baby food and accessories has caused me to rearrange some of my priorities a little, but I think I could search the world for an eternity and never find a thrill or see some beautiful vista that could compare to the feeling I get when I get my daughter out of her crib in the morning or hear her laugh. Although we don’t get huge earthly rewards for the sacrifices we make as parents, if every once in while I get to change a diaper without poop in it, that is reward enough for me.
I have been mulling over the idea for a couple of weeks now of a post blasting the insane amount of multi level marketing companies and security companies in Utah. But the amount of fun I just had over the last 30 minutes caused me to reevaluate this Sunday evening’s post. Don’t worry it’s coming…just not today.
As a parent of one I pretty much consider myself an expert on the subject…seriously ask me anything! Really, this post should probably be written by my sister Jen or my sister-in-law Erica, but they are probably busy making lunches or Halloween costumes… I mean these ladies are real parents; like I can’t wait to see what Erica does for Owen’s Eagle Project. So take it for what it’s worth, this is my input on the little sacrifices we make as parents.
Last night, Heather and I went on our first date without our seven month old daughter. (For those of you wondering how to still have a relationship with your significant other after kids, we just stumbled upon a gem. Put the kid down early and have a younger sibling come over and watch a movie with their girlfriend while you go out.) Since it had been so long, we decided to get creative and splurge a little…we treated ourselves to a Butterfinger shake and a regular order of Yukon Gold French Fries at Arctic Circle and came home after 45 minutes (p.s. we used coupons…total?...$3.21). I still marvel at how much has changed just over the last seven months.
Have I really aged that much? I used to get excited about going to the baseball playoffs, seeing Jack Johnson in concert, and going on ski trips…now I get excited over watching my daughter roll over, getting a high score in text twist, and General Conference.
Maybe spending 3 quarters of my monthly salary on baby food and accessories has caused me to rearrange some of my priorities a little, but I think I could search the world for an eternity and never find a thrill or see some beautiful vista that could compare to the feeling I get when I get my daughter out of her crib in the morning or hear her laugh. Although we don’t get huge earthly rewards for the sacrifices we make as parents, if every once in while I get to change a diaper without poop in it, that is reward enough for me.Sunday, October 11, 2009
Back to Basics
After a couple of weeks of ranting and writing about things that might only interest a small segment of the county population, I have decided to try and stay on theme this week and give a little plug to one of my favorite locals in the valley. Technically it's not in the valley at all actually but we can make it work
Living in Utah we have the privilege of living at the base of one of the most beautiful mountain ranges in the United States…Maybe even the world. Perhaps some of us tend to take this for granted from time to time. I like to think I have tried to make the most of my experience along the Wasatch Front. One location that I believe everyone who ends up leaving the beautiful expanses of Happy Valley really misses is Provo Canyon. Honestly this place provides an array of recreational activities that no individual no matter how young or old could not find something to keep them entertained. These are a few of my favorite things: Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens….JK Rowling, I couldn’t help myself
Fishing. If you don’t like to fish you can just get the heck out of here, this is America. Not only is Provo River one of the premier fly fishing destinations in the United States (well, for me maybe), but the vistas are incredible. Plus, if you go often you might actually be lucky enough to expose yourself to a local celebrity.
Bombing the Canyon. For all you old people who are not hip to new vernacular, this is not a terrorist threat. This is what we call long boarding down the Provo Canyon Trail (sorry again old people, a long board is a long skateboard…seriously get with the times). This can provide hours of enjoyment but if you decide to go, do me a favor and don’t be that guy who thinks it is hard core to break the rules and annoy everybody else on the trail.
Rafting the River. Although this has most recently turned into an activity for white trash people to waste time between NASCAR races and the summer rodeo line-up it actually is so much fun. A buddy of mine chartered tours a couple of summers ago for his in-laws who own High Country Rafting and it is worth every penny. You can also bring your own tube but if you get one from Wal-Mart make sure you start way down stream because you are not going to make it 15 feet on that piece of crap…no offense.
Outdoor Movies. I thought I would throw this in as we do live in the cheesy date capital of the world. (by the way, did you know that in other parts of the U.S. people ask people on dates by calling them…weird huh?). I actually did this once and I almost felt like I had to wear camouflage because the thought of running into somebody I knew seeing me do something so "BYU" gave me the gee willikers. I did have a good time though, but don’t take my word for it.
Hiking, Timpanogos Story Telling Festival, Water Skiing at Deer Creek, Skiing and outdoor theatre at Sundance, rope swing at Murdock Diversion Dam, and hucking pumpkins off cliffs were all honorable mentions…accept outdoor theatre at Sundance actually, I redact that, get some decent actors and maybe.
I would like to thank Julie Andrews and LeVar Burton for helping me with this post
Living in Utah we have the privilege of living at the base of one of the most beautiful mountain ranges in the United States…Maybe even the world. Perhaps some of us tend to take this for granted from time to time. I like to think I have tried to make the most of my experience along the Wasatch Front. One location that I believe everyone who ends up leaving the beautiful expanses of Happy Valley really misses is Provo Canyon. Honestly this place provides an array of recreational activities that no individual no matter how young or old could not find something to keep them entertained. These are a few of my favorite things: Rain drops on roses and whiskers on kittens….JK Rowling, I couldn’t help myself
Fishing. If you don’t like to fish you can just get the heck out of here, this is America. Not only is Provo River one of the premier fly fishing destinations in the United States (well, for me maybe), but the vistas are incredible. Plus, if you go often you might actually be lucky enough to expose yourself to a local celebrity.
Bombing the Canyon. For all you old people who are not hip to new vernacular, this is not a terrorist threat. This is what we call long boarding down the Provo Canyon Trail (sorry again old people, a long board is a long skateboard…seriously get with the times). This can provide hours of enjoyment but if you decide to go, do me a favor and don’t be that guy who thinks it is hard core to break the rules and annoy everybody else on the trail.
Rafting the River. Although this has most recently turned into an activity for white trash people to waste time between NASCAR races and the summer rodeo line-up it actually is so much fun. A buddy of mine chartered tours a couple of summers ago for his in-laws who own High Country Rafting and it is worth every penny. You can also bring your own tube but if you get one from Wal-Mart make sure you start way down stream because you are not going to make it 15 feet on that piece of crap…no offense.
Outdoor Movies. I thought I would throw this in as we do live in the cheesy date capital of the world. (by the way, did you know that in other parts of the U.S. people ask people on dates by calling them…weird huh?). I actually did this once and I almost felt like I had to wear camouflage because the thought of running into somebody I knew seeing me do something so "BYU" gave me the gee willikers. I did have a good time though, but don’t take my word for it.
Hiking, Timpanogos Story Telling Festival, Water Skiing at Deer Creek, Skiing and outdoor theatre at Sundance, rope swing at Murdock Diversion Dam, and hucking pumpkins off cliffs were all honorable mentions…accept outdoor theatre at Sundance actually, I redact that, get some decent actors and maybe.
I would like to thank Julie Andrews and LeVar Burton for helping me with this post
Sunday, October 4, 2009
This is Just Really Sad
It is totally unfortunate that I have to do this and I apologize in advance to all of my true fans who have to put up with this. I am going to take a week off what my normal theme and address a concern. Do you remember that movie "The Bodyguard" with Whitney Houston and Kevin Costner and there was that really creepy stalker who the cops arrested for sending crazy hate mail to Whitney Houston’s character? Well, apparently I have one of those crazy stalkers.
I read online that stalkers typically target people they idolize or who they are jealous of for some reason and they might be people from your past. My stalker apparently went to my high school but I will have to dig up an old yearbook because I can’t quite picture his/her face. I’m told his/her name is Morgan Jensen or something like that. I’m not even sure if he/she is a man or a woman. I have not visited the site myself ,but it’s rumored he/she created an entire webpage about how much he/she wishes he/she could generate the same web traffic that I do.
Not that I have given much thought to it, but if he/she is a he I picture him looking like this guy
If he/she is a she, I kinda picture her looking like this 
At any rate Morgan Jensen, if you are out there, I want to say that I am sorry for whatever it is that I have done to offend you. I want to be able to walk out of my house in the morning without having to put on a disguise for fear that I am being followed. If you need help coming up with material for your blog I am happy to help. Please don’t blame me for your uncommentable posts and your lack of social capital.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
I swear I could not make this up
As I pondered what I was going to blog about today, my wife reminded me that I am supposed to do a follow-up to lasts week’s post….buuuut I’m totally over it! And since this is my blog and nobody can tell me what to do, I am going to share a fall back story that I have been saving for a rainy day where my creativity seems to be lacking severely (today qualifies as one of those days).
A lifetime of living around old people in Utah has taught me one thing: a real man has a great fishing story and a great BYU football story. (I totally made that up, there are several things I have learned from my elders and that actually isn’t one of them, but it’s essential to set up the story.) At the age of 26 I finally have one of my own that better be passed down from generation to generation. Lucky for you it’s a combo story, a football and fishing story all rolled into one…a fishootball story!!! Ideally this story should be told in front of a chalkboard so that a suitable diagram could be constructed, but we’ll have to make do.
A week before the beloved Cougs set out for Arlington to take on the highly ranked Sooners of Oklahoma, I took a Thursday evening fishing trip up the mighty Provo River with a fellow angler (he’s an angler, I like to consider myself more of a “fisher of men” if you know what I mean). After arriving at one of our favorite spots and experiencing little success, I decided to head upstream a ways and look for more uncharted territory. A log—seemingly placed in the river by divine intervention about 15 feet out from the shore—provided a perfect place for me to work my magic. As I waded through the river to the log the cold water caused the 44 oz. Diet Coke that I had just sucked down to digest more rapidly than it would have otherwise.
After about 15 minutes of complete solitude, I figured it would be safe for me to answer the call of nature from my current location, as a trek back through the frigid water would only make my dilemma all the more urgent. I strategically positioned myself in such a way that if somebody did come from the path I would be shielded by a tree back on the bank and if they came from the opposite direction only my backside would be in view and would be less revealing and obvious.
As I started peeing (sorry, I truly sat here for 15 minutes trying to find a more appropriate way to say that and for the life of me…), I was startled by a rustling in the bushes directly in front of me, but I took comfort in the assumption that it was just one of the members of a family of beavers that passed by about two minutes before. So you can imagine my horror when BRONCO MENDENHALL popped out of the thicket with a full frontal nudity shot of me being too lazy to find a more private location. The awkwardness was so thick you could cut it with scissors.
Five minutes later I landed the most beautiful rainbow trout I have ever caught in that river and feeling the need to put the past behind me I stupidly and boyishly said, “Hey Bronco, check out my fish!” He politely replied, “That’s a nice lookin’ fish,” and then he looked at me with these eyes that seemed to say “I know you know who I am, and I know that you know I come up here to be alone, so if you are going to fish next to me let’s keep the chit-chat to minimum.”
Despite having embarrassed myself in front of one of my idols, I did walk away with a feeling of pride having outfished the coach. The very next Thursday I went back up to fish that exact same spot to see if I could have some more luck, but somebody had beat me to it…Bronco Mendenhall!
A lifetime of living around old people in Utah has taught me one thing: a real man has a great fishing story and a great BYU football story. (I totally made that up, there are several things I have learned from my elders and that actually isn’t one of them, but it’s essential to set up the story.) At the age of 26 I finally have one of my own that better be passed down from generation to generation. Lucky for you it’s a combo story, a football and fishing story all rolled into one…a fishootball story!!! Ideally this story should be told in front of a chalkboard so that a suitable diagram could be constructed, but we’ll have to make do.
A week before the beloved Cougs set out for Arlington to take on the highly ranked Sooners of Oklahoma, I took a Thursday evening fishing trip up the mighty Provo River with a fellow angler (he’s an angler, I like to consider myself more of a “fisher of men” if you know what I mean). After arriving at one of our favorite spots and experiencing little success, I decided to head upstream a ways and look for more uncharted territory. A log—seemingly placed in the river by divine intervention about 15 feet out from the shore—provided a perfect place for me to work my magic. As I waded through the river to the log the cold water caused the 44 oz. Diet Coke that I had just sucked down to digest more rapidly than it would have otherwise.
After about 15 minutes of complete solitude, I figured it would be safe for me to answer the call of nature from my current location, as a trek back through the frigid water would only make my dilemma all the more urgent. I strategically positioned myself in such a way that if somebody did come from the path I would be shielded by a tree back on the bank and if they came from the opposite direction only my backside would be in view and would be less revealing and obvious.
As I started peeing (sorry, I truly sat here for 15 minutes trying to find a more appropriate way to say that and for the life of me…), I was startled by a rustling in the bushes directly in front of me, but I took comfort in the assumption that it was just one of the members of a family of beavers that passed by about two minutes before. So you can imagine my horror when BRONCO MENDENHALL popped out of the thicket with a full frontal nudity shot of me being too lazy to find a more private location. The awkwardness was so thick you could cut it with scissors.
Five minutes later I landed the most beautiful rainbow trout I have ever caught in that river and feeling the need to put the past behind me I stupidly and boyishly said, “Hey Bronco, check out my fish!” He politely replied, “That’s a nice lookin’ fish,” and then he looked at me with these eyes that seemed to say “I know you know who I am, and I know that you know I come up here to be alone, so if you are going to fish next to me let’s keep the chit-chat to minimum.”
Despite having embarrassed myself in front of one of my idols, I did walk away with a feeling of pride having outfished the coach. The very next Thursday I went back up to fish that exact same spot to see if I could have some more luck, but somebody had beat me to it…Bronco Mendenhall!
Sunday, September 20, 2009
Rolled Up Jean Shorts and Birkenstocks with Socks
This post is dedicated to all of the funny little idiosyncrasies that seem to typify Utah County residents. These are not meant to be criticisms, just observations—most of which I have an affinity for myself so I hope nobody gets offended. I do have to admit that I stole this idea from a book that I saw a while back entitled “What White People Like”; I just tailored it for my 11 dedicated followers. Once again this has a high risk of running long so the list will not be exhaustive so feel free to tell me what I missed.
Photography. I’m not talking about the hobby, I am talking about the epidemic known as commercial photography. In the good old days, you paid someone to take your picture for three things: your wedding, your always dreaded yearly family Christmas picture, and your school pictures (tip to parents on that last one: always get the cheapest package. Any photographer that uses a rubber chicken does not deserve the satisfaction of selling you 13 wallet-size images. Those guys could get a way with murder!) In modern Mormondom, we somehow think it is necessary to pay for photography at every milestone in our lives from baby’s first steps, turning 16, graduation, mission farewell, mission homecoming, pre-engagement, engagement, bridals, post wedding and so on. I swear I even know somebody who got professional head shots taken for their facebook profile. Aspiring individuals have seized that opportunity and entered the market. I would venture to say that 3 out of every 5 Utah County mothers consider themselves to be professional photographers. Interestingly enough, very few of these women have actually been trained in the art of photography; seemingly their single qualification is that they have a camera that is bigger than everybody else’s. (I just googled “Utah County Photographers” for fun…18,500,000 hits. That sounds about accurate)
Arrested Development and Acoustic/Local Music. What do these two things have in common you ask? I am as guilty as anybody on this one. To begin, the tv show Arrested Development is truly one of the most underrated shows ever and Tobias Funke might actually be the greatest character ever to hit television. Aside from its comedic genius, it seems that we tend to love this show and talk about it so often because not very many people know about it. I guess, truly, we just like to think we know something that nobody else does and being the first to tell them about it gives us some kind of sick satisfaction. We do the same thing when we think we were the first ones to discover some new musician; we want to tell everybody about it, but when it gets wildly popular we get all defensive and start telling people that we heard them first—hence our attraction to local music and single name acoustic guitarists that don’t have albums with huge record labels. Do you see the connection or is that a stretch?
P90X. I will give you one million dollars if you can walk into a gathering of greater than 50 locals and not find a single soul talking about this workout video. For those of you who aren’t listening and don’t know anything about it, this is not your typical Jane Fonda stretch pants and leg warmer work-out vid, this thing will blow your mind!
*(side note: my wife and I are on an indefinite exercise hiatus so I do not speak from experience)
Pregnancy and Entrepreneurship. Pregnancy in general is part of every Utah girl’s skill set, but here in Utah County we don’t stop there…Your pregnancy is also your small business license. The downside to this is that our poor kids have now become our dress up dolls. Remember when onesies were all you ever needed to keep your kid protected from the elements? Now there are roughly 61,448 “baby boutiques” along the Wasatch Front selling all of, but not limited to, the following items: tutus, leggings, hats, shoes, nylons that are worn on the head, grossly oversized hairbows that often require their own nylon head band and zip code (a trend reemergence that I have not welcomed with open arms), insanely priced diaper bags, binky clips, nursery decorations, jewelry, decorated baby wipes containers, and wigs….okay not really wigs but what if?
I have had so much fun with this post and have so much more I want to say that I am going to continue it on next week with your recommendations, so don’t be stingy with your comments.
Photography. I’m not talking about the hobby, I am talking about the epidemic known as commercial photography. In the good old days, you paid someone to take your picture for three things: your wedding, your always dreaded yearly family Christmas picture, and your school pictures (tip to parents on that last one: always get the cheapest package. Any photographer that uses a rubber chicken does not deserve the satisfaction of selling you 13 wallet-size images. Those guys could get a way with murder!) In modern Mormondom, we somehow think it is necessary to pay for photography at every milestone in our lives from baby’s first steps, turning 16, graduation, mission farewell, mission homecoming, pre-engagement, engagement, bridals, post wedding and so on. I swear I even know somebody who got professional head shots taken for their facebook profile. Aspiring individuals have seized that opportunity and entered the market. I would venture to say that 3 out of every 5 Utah County mothers consider themselves to be professional photographers. Interestingly enough, very few of these women have actually been trained in the art of photography; seemingly their single qualification is that they have a camera that is bigger than everybody else’s. (I just googled “Utah County Photographers” for fun…18,500,000 hits. That sounds about accurate)
Arrested Development and Acoustic/Local Music. What do these two things have in common you ask? I am as guilty as anybody on this one. To begin, the tv show Arrested Development is truly one of the most underrated shows ever and Tobias Funke might actually be the greatest character ever to hit television. Aside from its comedic genius, it seems that we tend to love this show and talk about it so often because not very many people know about it. I guess, truly, we just like to think we know something that nobody else does and being the first to tell them about it gives us some kind of sick satisfaction. We do the same thing when we think we were the first ones to discover some new musician; we want to tell everybody about it, but when it gets wildly popular we get all defensive and start telling people that we heard them first—hence our attraction to local music and single name acoustic guitarists that don’t have albums with huge record labels. Do you see the connection or is that a stretch?
P90X. I will give you one million dollars if you can walk into a gathering of greater than 50 locals and not find a single soul talking about this workout video. For those of you who aren’t listening and don’t know anything about it, this is not your typical Jane Fonda stretch pants and leg warmer work-out vid, this thing will blow your mind!
*(side note: my wife and I are on an indefinite exercise hiatus so I do not speak from experience)
Pregnancy and Entrepreneurship. Pregnancy in general is part of every Utah girl’s skill set, but here in Utah County we don’t stop there…Your pregnancy is also your small business license. The downside to this is that our poor kids have now become our dress up dolls. Remember when onesies were all you ever needed to keep your kid protected from the elements? Now there are roughly 61,448 “baby boutiques” along the Wasatch Front selling all of, but not limited to, the following items: tutus, leggings, hats, shoes, nylons that are worn on the head, grossly oversized hairbows that often require their own nylon head band and zip code (a trend reemergence that I have not welcomed with open arms), insanely priced diaper bags, binky clips, nursery decorations, jewelry, decorated baby wipes containers, and wigs….okay not really wigs but what if?
I have had so much fun with this post and have so much more I want to say that I am going to continue it on next week with your recommendations, so don’t be stingy with your comments.
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Lay off me I'm starving!!!
Before I start this post, I need to add a couple of disclaimers: although I love eating out, trying new kinds of food, thinking about food, dreaming about food, making food, watching food network and writing about food, I am in no way qualified as a food critic. I do not even necessarily consider myself much of a connoisseur of food. I could not eat some delectable dish and correctly identify four out of the five native and/or non-native ingredients. And I do not know what goes good with coriander. I do, however, particularly like Mexican food and have tried my fair share of local Mexican cuisine, which brings me to disclaimer number two. This is not an all-inclusive list of all the local “south-of-the-border”-style dining establishments. Such a list would take too long and it’s Saturday night and my wife and I rented from Redbox….sorry to disappoint.
Here is a short list of some of my faves and least faves. Let’s start with a least fave: Living in Utah County, I could potentially be hung for this. In some circles my opinion in this matter could get me excommunicated on grounds of heresy. At the risk of total alienation from my family, friends, and classmates, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that Los Hermanos might actually be the worst Mexican food restaurant in the valley. I do not mean this to be offensive, but if I want a Lynn Wilson quality burrito I don’t need to pay somebody a tip to bring it to me, I can work a microwave just as good as they can. The atmosphere I will admit is not half bad (I’m throwing a bone to all you poor saps who thought it would be a romantic place to “pop the question”). The lines, however, are totally unsubstantiated other than they might be proof that we BYU students are truly not as adventurous and creative as we like to think we are. The most authentic thing about the place is the wall of foreign currency, although this points even further to our ignorance and naiveté (news flash Los Hermanos….just because a country speaks Spanish and lies south of the United States does not mean that they eat Mexican food…or even spicy food for that matter. I served a mission in Nicaragua and somehow the spice trade routes that Columbus was so desperately searching for missed that country by a 1200 miles or so.) I could go on but you get the point, Los Hermanos is Bush League…that goes for you too Joe Veras!
It has been my long standing opinion that a good Mexican restaurant is only as good as it’s Carne Asada. Las Tarascas in my opinion gets this right. It may not be the crowning jewel of Provo cuisine but it is certainly one of my favorite spots. For those of you who don’t know where this is it shares a strip mall with Albertsons, west of “the diagonal”. If you are looking for a quaint authentic atmosphere, do not touch this place with a ten foot pole; but if you are looking for really good Mexican food and a great salsa bar at reasonable prices be sure to tell them Jared sent you.
To keep from boring my audience the rest of the places on my list get to share one paragraph. We all know if you want “Fresh-Mex” or “Tex-Mex” or whatever the lame made up term they are using now-a-days is, you go with Café Rio (my wife actually made me say that, I personally like Costa Vida [their medium sauce is succulent…I would bathe in it]). If you want a lot of pretty dang good food for cheap and you are just coming out of the canyon after a long day of skiing, you have to go to Mama Chus on 8th North in Orem. Tacos? Try the little taco shop in the Amaco gas station on state street as you go up the hill into Orem (no that is not a joke, this place is legit). Really good salsa, try Tacos Guanajuatos in the parking lot by Movies 8 (not the one on 8th north and state street in Provo I have never been there and it looks like it could be contaminated). And lastly if you want amazing enchiladas like the ones that you used to be able to get at Rosa’s on bulldog (may it rest in peace), well I am sorry to say you are going to have to go to Mexico for that…
Here is a short list of some of my faves and least faves. Let’s start with a least fave: Living in Utah County, I could potentially be hung for this. In some circles my opinion in this matter could get me excommunicated on grounds of heresy. At the risk of total alienation from my family, friends, and classmates, I am going to go out on a limb here and say that Los Hermanos might actually be the worst Mexican food restaurant in the valley. I do not mean this to be offensive, but if I want a Lynn Wilson quality burrito I don’t need to pay somebody a tip to bring it to me, I can work a microwave just as good as they can. The atmosphere I will admit is not half bad (I’m throwing a bone to all you poor saps who thought it would be a romantic place to “pop the question”). The lines, however, are totally unsubstantiated other than they might be proof that we BYU students are truly not as adventurous and creative as we like to think we are. The most authentic thing about the place is the wall of foreign currency, although this points even further to our ignorance and naiveté (news flash Los Hermanos….just because a country speaks Spanish and lies south of the United States does not mean that they eat Mexican food…or even spicy food for that matter. I served a mission in Nicaragua and somehow the spice trade routes that Columbus was so desperately searching for missed that country by a 1200 miles or so.) I could go on but you get the point, Los Hermanos is Bush League…that goes for you too Joe Veras!
It has been my long standing opinion that a good Mexican restaurant is only as good as it’s Carne Asada. Las Tarascas in my opinion gets this right. It may not be the crowning jewel of Provo cuisine but it is certainly one of my favorite spots. For those of you who don’t know where this is it shares a strip mall with Albertsons, west of “the diagonal”. If you are looking for a quaint authentic atmosphere, do not touch this place with a ten foot pole; but if you are looking for really good Mexican food and a great salsa bar at reasonable prices be sure to tell them Jared sent you.
To keep from boring my audience the rest of the places on my list get to share one paragraph. We all know if you want “Fresh-Mex” or “Tex-Mex” or whatever the lame made up term they are using now-a-days is, you go with Café Rio (my wife actually made me say that, I personally like Costa Vida [their medium sauce is succulent…I would bathe in it]). If you want a lot of pretty dang good food for cheap and you are just coming out of the canyon after a long day of skiing, you have to go to Mama Chus on 8th North in Orem. Tacos? Try the little taco shop in the Amaco gas station on state street as you go up the hill into Orem (no that is not a joke, this place is legit). Really good salsa, try Tacos Guanajuatos in the parking lot by Movies 8 (not the one on 8th north and state street in Provo I have never been there and it looks like it could be contaminated). And lastly if you want amazing enchiladas like the ones that you used to be able to get at Rosa’s on bulldog (may it rest in peace), well I am sorry to say you are going to have to go to Mexico for that…
Saturday, September 5, 2009
Nice to Meet You
After researching blog after blog for a school assignment, I have concluded that the most interesting and most visited blogs are those written by certain kinds of experts. Experts in the art of cooking, for example, have very successful recipe blogs. Experts on shopping tend to have interesting posts on good deals and great products. Local fishing enthusiasts always have insightful tips on how to be a better fisherman. I could go on, but you get the point-- experts make the best bloggers. I, on the other hand, seem to be one of those people that are knowledgeable on many things, but an expert on nothing. I brainstormed ideas for hours about everything I have ever been interested in: the great outdoors, the great indoors, church, sports, TV, family, books, games, school, yard work, Chico Sticks, Costco, clothes, cars, shoes, snow, photography, technology, anthropology, money, music, economics and so on, and so on. Somebody told me once (or maybe I read it in a book [it sounds like something John Wooden would say]) that if you want to be successful in life pick something you are good at, and become the best at it. With that in mind I decided to start a blog about life in Utah County. Although I was not born here, I grew up here, and I love it. I like to think that I know my county quite well and if there is something of good report or praiseworthy to do around here I seek after these things… and then I write about them. So coming up next week, Mexican Food in the greater Provo area… ¡BUEN PROVECHO!
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